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Bootstrap wrote:I would like to have a thread to discuss sexual abuse in our churches and how we should approach the issue. I would like to focus on:

• Personal experiences, but without naming names of individuals or churches.
• Thoughts about how we can make it harder for these things to happen in secret in our churches.
• Thoughts about the best way to handle accusations when they come up.

Since the issue is a spiritual one, prayer and fasting would seem to be the primary solution. Or do we think more rules and human wisdom is how these things are best solved ? I think in years past when sin surfaced openly in the church there was a crying out to God for revival. A repenting from shutting God out as the answer. Pursuing being continually under the control of the Spirit (filled) and exhorting one another to walk in the Spirit, I believe, is still the key to all kinds of sinning. The church needs to get back believing in the power of prayer and fasting. Seems today many think we don't need the power of the Spirit in operation or it is only lip service that we do. A form of godliness but lacking any power to overcome sin. God help us.

The church I was raised in had one of the largest homopedophilia cases I've heard of. Lots of victims- one from my family. After light was shed on it all, my family expressed that they thought I was actually in the early stages of what could become victimization.

Sudsy wrote:One thing we do in our MB church is that anyone who wants to be involved in any children ministries must first pass a police check on their police record. Is this something other Anabaptists do or is it just assumed no one has a police record ?

One of the rules coming out of our own tragic situation in Catholic World is that everyone employed by the Catholic Church must first pass a detailed FBI/security background check whether they will be working directly with children or not in order to protect vulnerable adults as well. It's been in place for approximately 15 years and it has been a very real help in keeping our vulnerable people safe. Another rule is that all accusations are taken seriously and investigated by both the hierarchy and the locale law enforcement.

Several articles I've read in recent years addresses the connection of sexual abuse to the prevalence of easy access to pornography in its various forms through cinema, internet, magazines, television, etc. Because of porn's omnipresence, I also agree with the opinion that prayer, fasting and revival must also accompany any plan of protection for our fellow Christians. Background checks expose those who've been caught. But what of those who haven't been caught? These individuals need to be encouraged to conversion of mind and heart.

So last night after supper I spotted a book my wife has and I read it last night. It's called Protecting Their Purity. It is put out by the Keepers At Home magazine. I recommend this book to anyone who has children at home.

I notice at one place in the book they say that 1 in 7 girls in our circles suffer from some form of sexual abuse as compared to the 1/3 in society at large. But again, they put this number out without any citations at all.

RZehr wrote:So last night after supper I spotted a book my wife has and I read it last night. It's called Protecting Their Purity. It is put out by the Keepers At Home magazine. I recommend this book to anyone who has children at home.

I notice at one place in the book they say that 1 in 7 girls in our circles suffer from some form of sexual abuse as compared to the 1/3 in society at large. But again, they put this number out without any citations at all.

I just found it at Milestone's. Looks like an excellent resource
Here's the link to it.
https://www.milestonebooks.com/item/14-676/

Sudsy wrote:Since the issue is a spiritual one, prayer and fasting would seem to be the primary solution. Or do we think more rules and human wisdom is how these things are best solved ? I think in years past when sin surfaced openly in the church there was a crying out to God for revival. A repenting from shutting God out as the answer.

I think that's a big part of the answer, but faith without works is dead. We should let our prayer and repentance lead us to action. That action might involve taking precautions, teaching our children differently, thinking about the role of authority, listening when there are accusations ...

mike wrote:Currently I am in contact with a young pastor from a local evangelical church who has been convicted of sexual crimes in relation to a minor and sentenced to 15-40 years in prison, and his family who is hurting deeply. Attending the sentencing was one of the hardest things I have ever sat through. There is an incredible amount of outcry, blame, and lynch-mob style vindictiveness toward the perpetrator of sexual crimes toward minors, even from Christians who believe in forgiveness and redemption. It is a human response that we all feel to some extent. But in my opinion it can distort and cloud over the many factors other than the sin of the perpetrator that led to such a situation. I also question how beneficial rage and vindictiveness toward the perpetrator is for the victim.

So on the one hand you have the cover-ups and the shielding of sexual predators. And on the other hand you have the lynch-mob mentality toward the perpetrators. Neither seem to be the way of Jesus.

What's the way of Jesus?

I appreciate your concern over reactions that could conflict with being a loving, forgiving, non-resistant Christian. But what bothers me the most is any idea of this happening in Anabaptist churches and no excommunication happening even if the person repents immediately. I mean I have been told by a Mennonite minister it may take over five years of proving for a seeker to be allowed into membership. Even if it doesn't take this long a year or two for someone never baptized, that is immature and extremely excited in the faith can be confusing. So when these extremely greivious sins are committed does it take five, ten or twenty years of proving until they are excepted back in? If we newcomers can be treated with such constant suspicion and these sins are not grounds for a serious long time of proving then I need help in understanding how born members and non born members are not just treated by two different standards?

Wade wrote:

mike wrote:Currently I am in contact with a young pastor from a local evangelical church who has been convicted of sexual crimes in relation to a minor and sentenced to 15-40 years in prison, and his family who is hurting deeply. Attending the sentencing was one of the hardest things I have ever sat through. There is an incredible amount of outcry, blame, and lynch-mob style vindictiveness toward the perpetrator of sexual crimes toward minors, even from Christians who believe in forgiveness and redemption. It is a human response that we all feel to some extent. But in my opinion it can distort and cloud over the many factors other than the sin of the perpetrator that led to such a situation. I also question how beneficial rage and vindictiveness toward the perpetrator is for the victim.

So on the one hand you have the cover-ups and the shielding of sexual predators. And on the other hand you have the lynch-mob mentality toward the perpetrators. Neither seem to be the way of Jesus.

What's the way of Jesus?

I appreciate your concern over reactions that could conflict with being a loving, forgiving, non-resistant Christian. But what bothers me the most is any idea of this happening in Anabaptist churches and no excommunication happening even if the person repents immediately. I mean I have been told by a Mennonite minister it may take over five years of proving for a seeker to be allowed into membership. Even if it doesn't take this long a year or two for someone never baptized, that is immature and extremely excited in the faith can be confusing. So when these extremely greivious sins are committed does it take five, ten or twenty years of proving until they are excepted back in? If we newcomers can be treated with such constant suspicion and these sins are not grounds for a serious long time of proving then I need help in understanding how born members and non born members are not just treated by two different standards?

That's ridiculous. We've had "seekers" who attended a year or two before requesting membership and they were accepted almost immediately. We had others who did the same but dragged their feet on issues of unity with the church and eventually choose not to join. Which was fine. It depends mostly on the "seeker" how long it takes for them to become members.

I believe that an abuser within the church should have some sort of a time of proving himself even after repentance. Not sure if they should automatically be put out even if repentant, but there are certain things that they can likely never be allowed to do after having committed such sins.

Many of the more strict churches have very slow membership for outsiders. Many of the more strict churches also seem to have an abuse problem.

Myself, when I was joining a moderately conservative church (which took 2 years), I ended up pulling out at the last minute when it was clear an abuser would never be excommunicated - all he had to was apologise (or not even that) and it was business as usual.

Perhaps Wade and myself should recognise God’s grace and mercy for pulling us out of those situations. I chose to be consumed by anger and resentment instead. Praise the Lord for his mercy in delivering me from those feelings and sins, and for eventually providing me a wonderful church home.

Josh wrote:Many of the more strict churches have very slow membership for outsiders. Many of the more strict churches also seem to have an abuse problem.

That really does seem to be the case across the board, in churches and in cults. Men--or women, as the case may be--in leadership, put themselves above accountability; so there is potential for falling into heinous sins.