Re: S. Stutzman claims 67% of Anabaptist women have been sexually abused
Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 11:35 pm
interesting that there has not been one mention of modest clothing or any personal responsibility of victims in this thread.
in my mind, this is quite important.
prior to the internet, victim shaming was COMMON, even when the victims were young children.
“he wouldn’t have done that if you had not” ..
it twists my brain a bit.
as this thread is documenting, without argument, sexual abuse occurs in all settings, all church denoms, all sub groups, spin-offs. not far from where i live, there is a new report about an errant priest. the Catholic priest abuse scandal is not past-tense. presently, abuse is a hot topic in hollywood, Congress, private business, medicine.
in my mind, there is no longer any reason for any group to feel uniquely ashamed (as some here have shared they do feel it very personally.) i pray widespread recognition does not have the awful outcome of normalizing abuse! (but, i’m well-aware, there are amoral fringe parties who work for that very end goal.)
all that being said, what is to be thought about conservative/modest dress?
it does not guarantee safety. what does it do?
when our daughter was entering middle school, 1980’s, she liked volleyball.
she wanted to play.
this was public school, volleyball was ok with us. we dressed tastefully/conservatively, but did not know anything about “plain” dress, covering, or scriptural guidelines for dress.
suddenly, our daughter surprised us with, “i’m not going to play volleyball.” it was over.
she had not started.
we asked, “why?! what happened?”
she was a bit shy. eventually said, “they look like they are playing in their underpants.”
well. she was right. we did not mention it again.
i’m not sure when that style came about for volleyball. it wasn’t always that way.
gymnasts wear far less. often, very young girls. i’m not comfortable watching.
yes, they are accomplished. i appreciate that. i don’t agree with such radical/gratuitous exposure.
on the other hand, the most modest dress is no guarantee.
i have 2 beliefs that seem opposed to some, i attempt to explain. not feeling great success.
1. i do not believe abuse victims should be shamed for their choices, no choice justifies abuse;
at the same time,
2. i believe it is important to make personal choices that will please God.
i just returned from visiting my daughter and granddaughter, now 10.
i had an opportunity to discuss with my grdaughter, making personal choices to please God.
this, in dress, in thought, and in spoken words. happily, my grdaughter is sensitive to the idea of pleasing God in her young life. she’s at ease thinking about and discussing God.
they dress nicely. they are comfortable dressing conservatively.
these were not talks in disagreement. more, articulating and confirming beliefs. on a young level. not taking for granted that “everyone knows.” everyone doesn’t know. there is need to know.
in my mind, this is quite important.
prior to the internet, victim shaming was COMMON, even when the victims were young children.
“he wouldn’t have done that if you had not” ..
it twists my brain a bit.
as this thread is documenting, without argument, sexual abuse occurs in all settings, all church denoms, all sub groups, spin-offs. not far from where i live, there is a new report about an errant priest. the Catholic priest abuse scandal is not past-tense. presently, abuse is a hot topic in hollywood, Congress, private business, medicine.
in my mind, there is no longer any reason for any group to feel uniquely ashamed (as some here have shared they do feel it very personally.) i pray widespread recognition does not have the awful outcome of normalizing abuse! (but, i’m well-aware, there are amoral fringe parties who work for that very end goal.)
all that being said, what is to be thought about conservative/modest dress?
it does not guarantee safety. what does it do?
when our daughter was entering middle school, 1980’s, she liked volleyball.
she wanted to play.
this was public school, volleyball was ok with us. we dressed tastefully/conservatively, but did not know anything about “plain” dress, covering, or scriptural guidelines for dress.
suddenly, our daughter surprised us with, “i’m not going to play volleyball.” it was over.
she had not started.
we asked, “why?! what happened?”
she was a bit shy. eventually said, “they look like they are playing in their underpants.”
well. she was right. we did not mention it again.
i’m not sure when that style came about for volleyball. it wasn’t always that way.
gymnasts wear far less. often, very young girls. i’m not comfortable watching.
yes, they are accomplished. i appreciate that. i don’t agree with such radical/gratuitous exposure.
on the other hand, the most modest dress is no guarantee.
i have 2 beliefs that seem opposed to some, i attempt to explain. not feeling great success.
1. i do not believe abuse victims should be shamed for their choices, no choice justifies abuse;
at the same time,
2. i believe it is important to make personal choices that will please God.
i just returned from visiting my daughter and granddaughter, now 10.
i had an opportunity to discuss with my grdaughter, making personal choices to please God.
this, in dress, in thought, and in spoken words. happily, my grdaughter is sensitive to the idea of pleasing God in her young life. she’s at ease thinking about and discussing God.
they dress nicely. they are comfortable dressing conservatively.
these were not talks in disagreement. more, articulating and confirming beliefs. on a young level. not taking for granted that “everyone knows.” everyone doesn’t know. there is need to know.