Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Christian ethics and theology with an Anabaptist perspective
Sudsy
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Postby Sudsy » Wed Sep 27, 2017 8:56 pm

Josh wrote:
JimFoxvog wrote:I think that being prone to being hurt often comes after a long history of being abused. Let's be sensitive with sensitive people.


Yep. And these “hurt magnets” just get worse and worse overtime, and everyone else blames them for it.

How did Jesus approach people like this?


I wonder if there were any Pharisees that were easily offended when Jesus pronounced seven woes on them. And when He said this to Peter, how did Peter feel - "Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns." Is there ever a time to 'speak the truth' regardless of who bears it well ?
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KingdomBuilder
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Postby KingdomBuilder » Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:04 pm

I think a degree of discernment is needed.
I personally view long-term "the world is against me" behavior as a red flag.

I always err on the side of compassion, but there are clear cases of emotional manipulation.
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Joy
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Postby Joy » Thu Sep 28, 2017 10:47 am

"... but there are clear cases of emotional manipulation."

Yep, a guy approached my car in a shopping center last month, and said he had run out of gas (uh-huh, that old, worn-out story), and asked to borrow $25 for a gas can. As I took out the money, he promptly upped it to $40. "No." As he had said we could hold his license and phone, I requested the latter. He was like, "You don't trust me?" Me: "Okay, you don't trust me, and I don't trust you." He decided to hand me back my money without my asking or threatening.

My cousin who lives very near there gave me a description of a con man who'd approached her, and asked if that sounded like him--exactly. Even though he claimed he wasn't from that area.

That was an attempt at emotional manipulation, wouldn't you say?
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MaxPC
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Postby MaxPC » Thu Sep 28, 2017 11:50 am

JimFoxvog wrote:I think that being prone to being hurt often comes after a long history of being abused. Let's be sensitive with sensitive people.

Very true. Abuse creates a defensive response in the victim.
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Valerie
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Postby Valerie » Thu Sep 28, 2017 10:28 pm

I honestly think the enemy of our soul gets involved here. He is after all, the father of lies.
There was a period in my life where I was very wounded- most of my life, had been very respected, voted for things, popular in school, etc- (this was one reason I had to consider becoming a Christian as dying to those things I had learned to love & probably, depend on- unknowingly)
A series of events caused me to spiral downward - made mistakes, sinned, etc- and it seemed caused me to be extra sensitive then to every criticism or negative remark- although I didn't respond to these, they hurt deeply.
After falling away from the Lord for some time, a friend, then her pastor, helped me get right with the Lord again- this pastor said I had a 'wounded spirit, and spirit of rejection'. Well, he didn't know me, but was spot on about that- at this point in my life. Of course the enemy of our soul can have a hay day with this and add to it-

Without the Lord healing and helping you overcome these things, believing God's Word and drawing close to Him in love and prayer, I honestly don't see how people can overcome these wounds- but I will attest to the fact that if you've gone through these 'periods' or if your life was one long hurt after another, yes you will become more 'prone' to being hurt- it's kind of like a wound that scabs and then something happens to take the scab off the wound again- with some, without knowing the Lord, and not being able to recognize the voice of the enemy whose desire is to take you down, who is a liar and the father of lies, who goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour-- well- look around, some lose hope completely- and take their life, or can leave the Church, and the Lord, altogether-
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Mrs.Nisly
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Postby Mrs.Nisly » Thu Oct 12, 2017 8:16 am

Valerie wrote:I honestly think the enemy of our soul gets involved here. He is after all, the father of lies.
There was a period in my life where I was very wounded- most of my life, had been very respected, voted for things, popular in school, etc- (this was one reason I had to consider becoming a Christian as dying to those things I had learned to love & probably, depend on- unknowingly)
A series of events caused me to spiral downward - made mistakes, sinned, etc- and it seemed caused me to be extra sensitive then to every criticism or negative remark- although I didn't respond to these, they hurt deeply.
After falling away from the Lord for some time, a friend, then her pastor, helped me get right with the Lord again- this pastor said I had a 'wounded spirit, and spirit of rejection'. Well, he didn't know me, but was spot on about that- at this point in my life. Of course the enemy of our soul can have a hay day with this and add to it-

Without the Lord healing and helping you overcome these things, believing God's Word and drawing close to Him in love and prayer, I honestly don't see how people can overcome these wounds- but I will attest to the fact that if you've gone through these 'periods' or if your life was one long hurt after another, yes you will become more 'prone' to being hurt- it's kind of like a wound that scabs and then something happens to take the scab off the wound again- with some, without knowing the Lord, and not being able to recognize the voice of the enemy whose desire is to take you down, who is a liar and the father of lies, who goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour-- well- look around, some lose hope completely- and take their life, or can leave the Church, and the Lord, altogether-

Valerie,
I think you are absolutely correct.

This kind of thing is from Satan and he is having a heyday in the church. We live in a world where the only "truth" is what I feel. There is no rational objective truth.
This way of thinking absolutely paralyzes relationships. Despite ones very best efforts, folks who live like this need constant affirmation, sniff out any critique they perceive is in even positive comments. They then accuse others of being intolerant, un-loving or hateful.

A very dear friend of mine described a family meeting they had where her sister-in-law was gently being asked why she chose to announce to the world on social media that she was bi-sexual, without saying a word about it to her family first. When they tried to explain why this mattered to them, she threw a dramatic fit, shrieking, "This is about ME!, This is my life!" and she walked out of the meeting and sat in the car, leaving her husband to try to explain to his family what was going on. While this family is not a Mennonite family, they are the kindest, most open hearted people around. They have been through a lot of difficult things including divorce, alcohol, and abuse, so I know they were not condemning this girl, they were simply calling for some openness and honesty.

Honestly, when I hear tales of woe and how terribly someone has been treated by other Christians, I take it with a grain of salt. Usually the other party is not there to defend themselves, so how do you really know how something happened?
There are always two sides to a story.
An honest person will maximize their own failures and minimize the other party's failures.
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steve-in-kville
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Postby steve-in-kville » Thu Oct 12, 2017 8:47 am

Mrs.Nisly wrote:There are always two sides to a story.



And sometimes a story is just that... a story!
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MaxPC
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Postby MaxPC » Thu Oct 12, 2017 8:57 am

Mrs.Nisly wrote: An honest person will maximize their own failures and minimize the other party's failures.

Perhaps in our generation. In the behaviors of the most recent decade, it seems to be a growing trend to lash out at others instead of communicating in a rational manner. Increasingly we are seeing people who isolate themselves and only make contact via social media. The language of social media in this day and age is one of rage and accusations.

This trend of lashing out at others creates a cycle of victimization and retaliation that is toxic to all parties. Those who have a history of being abused are also very sensitized and withdraw from any possible source of criticism to cope. I call it the "burn reaction". Once burned, you avoid the source or sources of future burns.

Sociologists and psychologists are having a field day studying these phenomena.
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Josh
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Postby Josh » Thu Oct 12, 2017 9:42 am

What do the scriptures say?
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MaxPC
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Re: Are some people just prone to being hurt?

Postby MaxPC » Thu Oct 12, 2017 10:08 am

We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what he says is perfect, able to keep his whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, and thus we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.

Consider how a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be (James 3:2-18).

• Be swift to hear, but slow to answer. If you have the knowledge, answer your neighbor; if not, put your hand over your mouth. Honor and dishonor through talking! A man’s tongue can be his downfall. Be not called a detractor; use not your tongue for calumny (Sirach 5:13-16).
• He who repeats an evil report has no sense. Never repeat gossip, and you will not be reviled. … Let anything you hear die within you; be assured it will not make you burst. But when a fool hears something, he is in labor, like a woman giving birth to a child. … Like an arrow lodged in a man’s thigh is gossip in the breast of a fool … every story you must not believe … who has not sinned with his tongue? (Sirach 19:5-14 varia)
• Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. … Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. … Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore fear God (Eccles 5:1-6).
• In the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery (Proverbs 28:23NLT).
• Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses (Prov 27:6).
• He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity (Prov 21:23).
• He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin(Prov 13:3).
• A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much (Prov 20:19).
• A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will perish (Prov 19:9).
• A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will not go free(Prov 19:5).
• A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue (Prov 17:27-28).
• When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (Prov 10:19).
• Fools’ words get them into constant quarrels; they are asking for a beating (Prov 18:6).
• Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended (Prov 22:10).
• The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful. A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly (Prov 12:22-23).
• The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly(Prov 15:2).
• The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit (Prov 15:4).
• A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions(Prov 18:2).
• Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing (Prov 12:18).
• A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret(Prov 11:12-13).
• The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse (Prov 10:32).
• The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil (Prov 15:28).
• The prudent man does not make a show of his knowledge, but fools broadcast their foolishness (Prov 12:23).
• Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips (Psalm 141:3).
• Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies (Psalm 34:13).
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Max (aka Plain Catholic)
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