The Curse of Low Self-Confidence

[Rdm]

Something I've observed is that those who are the most confident are those who are the most humble; those who truly are not thinking about themselves or what other people are thinking about them. Also, those who are the loudest in saying, "I don't care what other people think," usually do care, and are hurting from the treatment they've received in the past when they tried to measure up.

True self-confidence comes from recognizing who you are in Christ and focusing on loving Him and other people. Low self-confidence usually stems from abuse or navel-gazing.

[Bootstrap]

True self-confidence comes from recognizing who you are in Christ and focusing on loving Him and other people. Low self-confidence usually stems from abuse or navel-gazing.

I agree with this, but I'm not sure I would call it self-confidence. I would call it Christ-confidence.

I think there's a blessing of low self-confidence, the ability to know that you are often wrong, to listen to a variety of views, to learn from a conversation among other people who each know things you do not. I think there's a blessing to not having to prove yourself because you are not really on trial in any way that matters. It can give you the freedom to simply discuss things, ask questions, feel, think, and learn without worrying about how that makes you look. It can make it easier to avoid attacking people who attack you or wilting into the corner when someone attacks you because what someone else thinks about you isn't really the most important thing in most conversations. It can make it easier to doubt a false belief you have so that you can learn what is true. It can make it easier to see where you fall short in loving and serving others. It makes you vulnerable in very good ways.

Because ultimately, it's not about me, it's about Jesus. Each of us only sees in part. The best we can do is fix our eyes on him, learn from his example, see how he loved and served, and seek his power to do the same. It's not about my wisdom, it's about his wisdom.

I don't have to prove that I'm good enough to be treated well or taken seriously. I could never prove it anyway. People who follow the example of Christ treat people well and treat them with respect, so I shouldn't have to prove it. I want to be one of those people. I often fall short. He never falls short.

Don't let people abuse you, of course. But I don't think we have to try to build the kind of self-confidence psychologists often talk about. Except by discerning what is right and good, pursuing it, and giving thanks when we succeed by his help. Together with others who also understand this.

[Fidelio]

I read this article.

I would beg the questions, what is the opposite of low self confidence? Pride? Aggressive? Assertive?

What is proper for a Christian?

Perhaps the Apostle Paul is a good example. He surely had a lot of confidence.

[Rdm]

I agree with this, but I'm not sure I would call it self-confidence. I would call it Christ-confidence.

True. Sometimes we get caught up in the terms commonly used without thinking about the implications.

Because ultimately, it's not about me, it's about Jesus. Each of us only sees in part. The best we can do is fix our eyes on him, learn from his example, see how he loved and served, and seek his power to do the same. It's not about my wisdom, it's about his wisdom.

Amen. I think that says it best.

[Valerie]

I read this article.

I would beg the questions, what is the opposite of low self confidence? Pride? Aggressive? Assertive?

What is proper for a Christian?

Excellent question. I think that one needs confidence to function in the world, but that confidence can be "Yes I can do it, with the help of God." If one has low self confidence, they the will be more susceptible to peer pressure (in an attempt to feel accepted which boosts their confidence in the wrong way if those peers are worldlings), but if one is self confident, they don't need the approval of their peers. So I believe that a Christian needs self confidence, but it must be rooted God and that God has gifted him with abilities; therefore, pride has no place. Confidence also needs to also recognize that one is limited and does often need the help of others (this will also help quell prideful feelings). The confidence a Christian needs most is confidence in God and His promises. That kind of confidence is commonly known as faith.

I texted this to several family members after I read it- how insightful and true it is!! I wish my parents would have known this when they were raising 3 children- mom & dad didn't know the Lord, and I can see by how NOT raising us with the above understanding caused problems in all of us in one way or another in dealing with peers-

Anyways- I LOVE this post and thank you for sharing it. My six year old granddaughter is 'struggling'. She is an only child which to me brings on issues in itself that make life a little harder for her among her peers at school, church, activities she's involved in. To get the above 'truth' down in her soul, well that is how I will pray and will pray her parents will help her with this. One 'negative' comment from someone, a peer, teacher, etc. can really be used by the enemy of our soul to scar or stunt our growth emotionally. I was just reading in Jeremiah, how horrible he was feeling among his own peers as he made the decision not to bring God up anymore! (temporary). Even those strongest in the Lord can struggle with need for acceptance & affirmation- but "If God be for us, who can be against us" is a truth that can carry us through those times when we don't feel we measure up- we need to destroy those measuring rods we use to compare ourselves with others.